We're not morning people

1. Romantic weekends away will never be a thing. Because we don't get weekends, unless you count the occasional consecutive Monday-Tuesday off.

2. We will pay for most things in cash. We're not tax-evading builders, promise. We just live off our tips. It does get a bit awkward when we're down to our last pennies and have to start emptying out bags of shrapnel everywhere we go, though.

3. There's no point trying to plan dates in advance. Because everyone knows the rotas only come out about 12 hours before they start.

4. We will get hit on at work. A lot. And it's uncomfortable, but we can't help it that unwelcome flirty 'banter' just doesn't come with the territory of your office job.

5. We're not morning people. Unless awoken with a bacon sandwich and a steaming hot coffee, thank you.

6. We'll probably need keys to your flat sooner rather than later. Unless you like being woken up to come down and let us in after work at 2am…

7. We're still intelligent, you know. Just because we're not currently using the degree we may or may not have shed blood, sweat and tears for, doesn't mean we're not as smart as everyone else.

8. We're a JOY to go to the pub with. Once we've got all the gripes out the way, that is. Just let us have our say about this pub's incorrect glass-polishing technique, and how they're doing their beer-to-head ratio all wrong. Then we're an absolute hoot!

9. We wear a lot of black. No, we're not professional funeral-goers, it's called a uniform.

10. Winter is our favourite season. Because winter contains the shortest days and therefore the least sunlight that we are missing out on by either being at work, exhausted from work, or hungover from work.

11. We like to eat chips with everything. We work split-shifts in a pub. It's literally inbuilt in our psyche to order a side of chips with every staff meal just so we won't feel famished with three hours of shift still to go. Which is why, yes, we will have some chips on the side with that risotto, thanks.

12. You will grow to love our natural musky scent of stale beer and tequila. All the more reason to splash out on perfume for us though, right?

13. We're low-maintenance. When it comes to ordering cocktails, we are, anyway. Like we'd DREAM of ordering a mojito when we know what a ball ache it is to concoct.

14. We've got GREAT stories. Pubs really are a window to the world's soul. The world's stupid, drunken, emotional soul. And we've seen it all.

15. We're good listeners. In fact, why do ourselves down? We're practically therapists after having listened to Jim the regular bang on about his involuntary redundancy for the last six months.